Transfer gossip: Man United want Thomas Muller to replace Robin van Persie

Muller boner

Football can be a cruel maiden sometimes. One minute you're the belle of the ball and being courted by everyone; the next you're an unwanted frump. Robin van Persie, so recently Manchester United's matinee idol du jour to stick up on their prison walls, is now yesterday's starlet and off to Turkey. The new Raquel Welch they've asked Red to sort them out is none other than Bayern Munich's Thomas Muller, according to the Star at least.

Et tu Louis?

The Sun reckon Van Persie isn't taking the spurning of his footballing charms very well at all. Apparently the Dutchman is leaving Old Trafford after only three years because he feels 'betrayed' by Louis van Gaal. He should perhaps ask Arsene Wenger how that feels. Or maybe David Moyes. It's not betrayal mate, it's the cruel sands of time pulling you under.

Hendo hero

As Steven Gerrard - the archetypal one-club man - gets used to the surroundings of his second club, Liverpool need to decide upon a new skipper. For some reason they have chosen to ignore the obvious option in Mario Balotelli, instead plumping for Jordan Henderson. The Liverpool Echo suggest an announcement is imminent. Hendo would certainly be our favourite in a staring contest.

Other stuff

*Newcastle want to make PSV Eindhoven's Dutch international midfielder Georginio Wijnaldum their first new signing under Steve McClaren. (Independent) *Stoke's Asmir Begovic is set to complete an £8m move to Chelsea with Dutch midfielder Marco van Ginkel going the other way. (Telegraph) *Sevilla, West Ham United and Orlando are all interested in signing Manchester United's £8m-rated striker Javier Hernandez. (Mail) *Newcastle United will have to pay £15m for QPR's 26-year-old striker Charlie Austin. (Evening Chronicle)