Audley Harrison only retired today shocker

Audley Harrison has stunned the boxing world by announcing that he hadn't already retired from boxing.

Fans were shocked to discover that the 43-year-old former Olympic gold medal winner was only calling time on his single-glitter career today rather than a number of defeats ago. Harrison's rollercoaster career – if the rollercoaster in question was the Oblivion at Alton Towers – was neatly bookended by a gold medal win at the Olympics in 2000 and over 40 retweets (not to mention 34 favourites) for his official retirement statement on Twitter today. The former ‘professional’ boxer informed his remaining fan club by phoning the three of them individually yesterday but delayed going public to avoid, in his words “taking the attention away from Jeremy Clarkson and the kid from One Direction.” Harrison – a gold medal winner at the Sydney Olympics – admitted that the general perception that he had retired some years forced his hand somewhat. “I would try and arrange my own fights but promoters would get confused and ask me if it was something to do with Comic Relief,” he said. A number of boxing pundits have commented on today’s bombshell with “Who? Oh him!” The heavyweight fighter, who won a gold medal once, is hoping that today’s announcement will put to bed one and for all widespread rumours that he has been focusing on his dancing since at least 2011.