If there was a Wetherspoons secret menu, this is what it would look like

We're sure you were as devastated as us to learn that Wetherspoons' sunday roasts are soon to be no more.

What, you didn't know? Okay, we'll give you a minute or two to compose yourself. Are you back now? Great. Let's carry on. Well, with an old favourite gone, it might be time to get creative. You've all heard about the secret menus at McDonald's and Nando's, but how about everyone's favourite affordable pub chain? Even if they don't have anything matching that description, we're sure it can't be that hard. So, naturally, we've concocted one of our own. You're more than welcome to ask for one of these creations next time you're out for a cheeky lunchtime pint, though we can't confirm anyone will have a clue what you're talking about.

Pulled Pork Brownie Sundae

Like any good chain restaurant, Wetherspoons introduced a pulled pork add-on for more menu items than you thought you needed, at around the time that the airport-pint crowd started muttering "wait, you can pull pork" in between sips of lukewarm Carling. But one place you can't find that tender, meaty goodness is on the dessert menu. The sticky BBQ glaze would provide a perfect compliment to the existing sundae, cutting through the ice cream and brownie chunks like a more proteiny fudge sauce. 'But that's stupid', we here you cry. Well, they said the same thing about salted caramel, and who's laughing now?

The Make-Your-Own Roast

The demise of the Wetherspoons roast dinner need not be the end of the world - you just need to improvise. No mash? Just use an empty pint glass to grind your chips down to the appropriate texture. No Yorkshire puddings? Mould your own by scooping out the inside of a burger bun and adding onion ring batter for 'texture'. And you know what the best part is? You're not restricted to one meat. Liberate the steak and ale from a steak and ale pie, but combine it with buffalo wings and rib meat, while adding the veg from the sweet potato curry. What do you mean you're 'full'?

The Ultimate Hangover Cure

The problem with the lengthy menu at Wetherspoons is that you're often spoilt for choice. And not the usual 'torn between a burger and grilled chicken' type of spoilt for choice. More like being torn between a burger and another burger and a third burger and...well, you get the picture. It's even worse when you're hungover and, quite honestly, fancy everything on the menu. Presenting: the ultimate hangover cure. Picture a beef burger, topped with a buttermilk chicken burger, topped with bacon, topped with melted cheese, topped with another burger. Maybe some more bacon if you want to treat yourself. How are you going to eat that while retaining your dignity? Come on now, you're well past dignity by this stage.