Welcome to JOE's Transfer Digest, where readers and transfers converge to cut out the middle man and get to the crux of the issues.
Today's edition is one of stolen souls, transfer bans and car boot sales.
Sissoko takes to the car boot sale scene
Moussa Sissoko has revealed just how desperate he is to leave Tottenham Hotspur this summer, after appearing at a number of car boot sales in North London and the surrounding areas.
The Frenchman has endured a difficult season at Spurs since arriving from Newcastle United, and has admitted that he will do all he can to move on.
"The move hasn't worked out well to be honest so I'm eager to go somewhere else. I don't even mind if it's a football club, to be honest. I know some people might be reluctant to part with their hard-earned cash so I've sweetened the deal," said Sissoko, adding that he will include a near-complete IKEA dining set, as well as a used yoga mat, in any deal to buy him.
Damage limitation
https://twitter.com/SportsJOE_UK/status/869977724177141760
Antoine Griezmann has responded to reports that Manchester United have cooled their interest in him by insisting that he wasn't hanging up on Jose Mourinho during his recent appearance in a Huawei mobile watch advertisement.
The Frenchman got tongues wagging when the ad - which showed him rejecting a call from someone called Jose - first hit screens.
Speaking this morning however, Griezmann vehemently denied he was disrespecting the Portuguese coach: "I didn't hang up on Jose. I swear. It was an ad, it wasn't real. Please God, just sign me Jose. Pleassse!"
Sell the unbelievers
Martin Keown, a man known for his opposition to camera phones and selfies - both of which he believes steal a person's soul - has today advised Arsene Wenger to sell the unbelievers Mesut Ozil and Alexis Sanchez.
According to Keown, Arsenal need players who are less compelled to unholy teachings of technology, and more respectful to what the Elders have foretold.
"These players have been overindulged. They don't work hard enough and are always on their phones. God only knows how small their souls are at this point, not to mention how demons they've introduced to the dressing room. They have to go," said Keown today while preaching outside the Emirates.
And finally...
Elsewhere, Liverpool's new chief executive has insisted that the club does not need to spend similar amounts to the likes of Manchester City, providing they are comfortable not winning the title again.
"We won’t be spending £100m just because Manchester City has spent £100m," said Peter Moore. "They can spend as much as they want and win the title, but we're quite happy sitting back here knowing we've been fiscally responsible. That's enough for me and, I think, for supporters.
