Neil Warnock names dream cabinet in bid to become prime minister

'It's just a laugh'

So, it's finally happening, Boris Johnson is going. Similar to the time Fabio Capello departed the England job, the general consensus is that we'll all be glad to see the back of him. Now it's all about who will take over. https://www.instagram.com/p/CftU1rYM2Kp/ Will we have a general election? Will we see the Conservatives elect a leader competent at doing the job? Either way, there is speculation as to who will stride into number 10 next. Several candidates have put their name forward for the job, believing that they are the candidate to get the country back into a respectable position but realistically, there is only one person for the job: Neil Warnock. Given his experience at helping to steer a sinking ship and transform them into a well-oiled asset, it makes sense. Warnock is also out of work and is keen on taking the role, claiming that he has had permission from his beloved wife Sharon to take the job. In what would be the biggest job of his career, Warnock has decided to assemble his own cabinet, who he feels have what it takes to guide the country back to the glory days. As expected, the list is as mad as ever. This Neil Warnock we're talking about. https://twitter.com/warnockofficial/status/1545385421315645443?s=20&t=B0byVQVrQFaipUAlhrgT9A

Deputy prime minister - Simon Jordan

The former Crystal Palace owner-turned talkSPORT presenter is the first up and a real strong choice. A great relationship with Warnock is key and to have Jordan as his right hand man will no doubt keep him in check. Warnock's thoughts: "Simon is someone I would want in the trenches with me, very loyal , very smart, trust him completely. And he would be ready to step into my shoes when I needed to go fishing."

Chancellor - Karen Brady

A business savvy expert, this feels like a smart appointment from a man with eight promotions on his CV. Brady is well drilled in keeping the finances in order given her long career in business and current ventures working on The Apprentice and with West Ham United. Warnock's thoughts: "Knows the value of a pound note, and would definitely not overspend and risk damage to the economy. Pretty sure she could get the price of petrol down too!"

Foreign Secretary – Arsène Wenger

When Wenger talks, you listen. A man with knowledge far beyond mine or yours, and someone with an understanding of how to connect the world with eye-catching decisions. You can guarantee that whatever he has in store, it will be exciting to watch. Warnock's thoughts: "Arsene is pure class, a great ambassador and would charm the socks off anyone, even Piers Morgan."

Home Secretary - Gary Neville

Neville's love for politics knows no bounds. A man fully committed to the cause and he will truly fight for what's right. No doubt he has some sort of independent regulator in mind. Imagine an episode of The Overlap but with government officials, class. Of course, Warnock is a man who likes to save a penny or two where he can, and has that in mind when it comes to picking Gary. Warnock's thoughts: "Gary is a very passionate, patriotic and hard working lad, and would definitely have the countries (sic) best interests at heart. Added benefit is expenses would be lower for him as he has his own hotels and restaurants."

Minister of Defence – Sol Bamba

Warnock's thoughts: "Who else could I have in charge of Defence? Sol would be supported admirably by Jags [Phil Jagielka], Morgs [Chris Morgan] and Shorty [Craig Short], and Paddy [Kenny] if we need a keeper."

Health Secretary – Howard Webb

Warnock's thoughts: "Did a lot of running about in his career and always looked as fit as a fiddle. Bit of trouble with his eyesight from time to time, but hopefully in his new role he can get an appointment to get it sorted quicker than the rest of us can.

"I recommend a long drive to Barnard Castle, cures all known eye problems."

Business Secretary – Daniel Levy

Good luck to anyone thinking they're walking away with a deal in their favour, because they're not. Levy takes no shit and until he gets what he wants, he won't leave, no matter how pissed off others are with him.

Warnock's thoughts: "Tough negotiator with other people's money, and like Lady Karen definitely knows the value of a quid!

International Trade Secretary – Jose Mourinho

Warnock's thoughts: "Jose is a great negotiator and will defy the critics again by securing the biggest and most special trade deals in history.

"Hopefully that includes with Portugal, I love their wine and have shared a few bottles with Jose over the years."

Education Secretary – Gareth Southgate

Warnock's thoughts: "Gareth is great at getting the best out of youngsters, very knowledgeable and articulate with a calming manner.

"And I do like those waistcoats, will have to send him my sizes."

Related links:

• Boris Johnson says he is ‘so sad to give up the best job in the world’
• KFC trolls Boris Johnson by resurrecting Jeremy Corbyn chicken meme
• Boris Johnson resignation: Pound starts trading stronger ahead of PM’s resignation