This is what these images on the internet this week tell us about the world we live in

This week in news according to photos we found on the internet...

It has definitely been a week. We have sat through another 168 hours of news outlets hurling stories into our mushy tiny minds. It’s been the usual myriad of nonsense, in between waiting for Donald Trump’s morning twitter tirades to see which country he fancies bombing this week, the news cycle has gone from the mediocre to the bizarre. Let’s look at this week through some of the images that forced their way into our minds.

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1. Sean Spicer goes full Ken Livingstone

Politicians love to talk about Hitler. You know how you like to talk about your dog, or your kids? Politicians feel that way about Hitler. The rather wonderful thing about this, is that none of them know what they are on about. Whilst we have bumbling Ken Livingstone, who at this point is about 3 conversations away from going on live TV to tell everyone that Hitler was actually three dogs in a trench coat, America has Sean Spicer. You’ll have seen Sean Spicer in other news clips recently, clips such as ‘Sean Spicer looks like a scrotum filled with bees’ and ‘Sean Spicer gets everything wrong whilst keeping human form’. Sean Spicer is the man who has to make Donald Trump look good, which is a job akin to ‘man in charge of 100 hens and 1 bear who has to make sure the bear doesn’t attack any hens’. This week Mr Spicer went on a Hitler based nonsense rant mid press briefing. Why? Who knows. To what end? Only the elves that run Spicer’s mindbox could ever know. There must be a moment, where you call concentration camps ‘Holocaust centres’ that something inside you just says “You know what, this job isn’t for me, I thought I could do it, I can’t, I want to go work in a garden centre for the rest of my life”.  

2. Great British Bake Off 2: the sequel no one wanted

There are many things we need as a society, clean energy, James Corden to be shot into the moon, a way to clean a spoon under a tap and not get covered in water, however we do not, as a civilisation, need a reboot of the Bake Off. Let’s look at the above photo. Without context it looks like a homeless man accidentally ended up on a coach holiday through the Lake District. Or perhaps it could be a show about a group of elderly swingers who become unlikely friends with a man who chases ghosts for a living. Or a new Channel Five docu-sitcom where a village fete is gate crashed by Nozul the goblin king of the nethersphere, and hilarity ensues. Only one thing can be certain, at one stage of the new Bake Off judging rounds, Noel Fielding will describe a cake ‘as delicious as the soul of a swan and delectable as a wet piano’. The fun fact here is, and this is true, only people that have been touched by death can see Noel Fielding in that picture.

3. The fight of the century: Un Vs Trump

Kim Jong Un poses for photos more often than an actor who has given up on their dream and now only works as a model for bizarre stock images. It’s difficult to make fun of the North Korean terror pasty that is Jong Un, he is often a subject for parody, even if he has become a parody of himself, but Mr Un has finally got a challenger in the ‘Overcompensation for tiny penis championships of the world’ in our new tangerine in chief Donald Trump. There will become a stage, possibly mid next year, where DT will be in every story you read on the internet, you can be reading an innocent story in your local paper, about how the seagull infestation of the city centre is threatening the livelihood of guide dogs, and three paragraphs down you will read, “President Trump famously tweeted ‘Seagulls are losers!’”. Trump’s morning routine is to be winched out of his bed, then a Wallace and Gromit style contraption will elaborately deliver DT to his morning tweeting throne for a morning void and possible spray tan. This week he tweeted, in amongst another load of old bollocks, that North Korea can get in the fucking bin, and so began a new dick swinging contest, between two men whose penises probably look like button mushrooms sticking through a hedge. This can only go well.  

4.  Nigel Farage’s crush is still bananas

Marine Le Pen, Satan’s answer to the question ‘what would a newsreader who sold guns to kids on the side look like?’. The word fascist gets thrown around on the internet nowadays like the term ‘LOL’ did in 2012, but we are allowed to call Le Pen a fascist, because in 2015 a French court said she was a fascist. This week she did a bunch of holocaust denying (see, politicians love talking about Hitler) so we were forced to stare at her bigoted mug all week. Marine Le Pen makes Nigel Farage look like Mother Theresa, and her international fan base are the same frog avatared basement dwellers that revelled in the Trump and Brexit wins. Le Pen would be the last piece of a fascist jigsaw after the nonsense of the past year, representing hate, small mindedness and a new trend of blonde women with faces like the inside of a bin having horrible opinions. Le Pen’s face tells a story, but it would be a story found in the depths of an internet message board frequented by users with titles such as ‘Milo69’ and ‘Cuckinator17.  

5. Jeremy Corbyn took this photo

  The granddad of socialism is back, rebranded, but at some point during the last few days some photographer thought this photo was a good idea. Corbyn looks like he’s getting the 10.20 to Brighton to take some instagram pictures for his vegan beard blog. Either Mr Corbyn is slowly changing his look to the point where at the next Prime Minister’s Questions he’ll be wearing a Hawaiian shirt and have flowers in his beard, or he is now in a witness protection program and has constructed a second identity to hide himself from the media. Or Mr Corbyn is now so desperate to get voters that his new strategy is to wait in the toilets of various trains and scare the electorate into voting for him. All these are possible, no one can control the Corbyn, he is the Leroy Jenkins of UK politics, you tell him not to do something, or to try something that would be sensible and help the party, and he screams ‘JEREMY CORBYN’ and runs into the Commons wielding an organically sourced hemp lasso and then doing a labour reshuffle for some reason.