If cats could text us, this is probably what they’d say

Happy International Cat Day to you and yours!

First, we must watch and enjoy this obligatory SNL sketch about cats: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fzcSJ1setd0 Cats are too precious for words, literally, they cannot speak. I often wonder what cats would text if they had the correct apparatus to do so. Sure, they can purchase a phone just like the rest of us, but it's their lil paws that let them down every single time. We're roughly four and a half years away from cats being able to text using eye movement recognition technology (like Stephen Hawking uses) which means they'll finally be able to communicate their innermost thoughts with us. To keep us ticking over until then, here's what I predict our cats will be messaging us.

---

1. Threats   2. Emergencies   3. Humour   4. Complaints   5. Suspense   6. Drunk Messages   7. Household Affairs   8. Clarification   9. Consideration   10. Feelings   11. Complaints   12. Shit Jokes