29 captions for this supremely uncomfortable nightclub photograph

Nightclubs, am I right?

An image has surfaced online and it is what I am deeming The Most Uncomfortable Nightclub Photograph Of 2018. Milk Tuesdays in Edinburgh has undoubtedly made many dreams come true, but none more so than the following viral image, in which a boy is visibly failing to impress a girl. Ansel Adams could never. Robert Capa could never. Annie Leibovitz could never. But the club photographer of Milk Tuesdays At Bourbon Edinburgh could. So what is this incredibly loud boy saying to the unfortunate lady in his company? We've got a hunch.

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1. "My Dad has sleep apnea"   2. "I can give you a hickey that's the exact shape of an avocado"   3. "So which one of the Kardashians are you?"   4. "Bryn and Jason definitely fucked on that fishing trip"   5. "Gravy and ketchup sandwiches. Trust me babe. Change your life"   6. "That your boyfriend beside you?"   7. "I was joking, it's not actually the size of an Argos pen"   8. "My Dad went to Uni with Jason Orange"   9. "This is what a macaw sounds like: AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH"   10. "Have you got change for a tenner?"   11. "Kasabian are just going through an experimental phase right now but it's worth sticking with them"   12. "I've got an Android phone"   13. "Scrambled eggs, add a small bit of yoghurt before they're done, change your life babe"   14. "Fucked the tan on your neck right up, hun"   15. "Can I put you down as my emergency contact?"    16. "Kony 2012"   17. "It's not actually cheaper to get the large cinema combo"   18. "Look, it goes milk, teabag, more milk, then a splash of water"   19. "I'm man enough to admit that Shrek was fit"   20. "I before e except after c"   21. "There's a splash of milk overhead about to soak us both"   22. "Pee is stored in the balls"   23. "Dick Cheney made money off the Iraq war"   24. "Antibiotic resistance will ultimately kill us all"   25. "Despite being stripped of its planetary status, I still consider Jupiter to be a planet"   26. "So the player has to be nearer the opponent's goal than the ball and...."   27. "Long story short, I spent a lot of money and still can't shoot lasers out my eyes"   28. "It's about ethics in gaming journalism"   29. "Mmmmmmmmm Danone"    

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Image via Facebook