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Published 14:17 30 Jul 2015 BST
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Dear Uncle Matt,
My girlfriend found some porn on my computer and got really pi**ed off with me. I've tried telling her it has nothing to do with us, nor am I sexually frustrated or not enjoying our sex, but she won't let it go. What else can I try saying to her?
Zac, Hampshire
Now, I'm guessing the porn she discovered was of the straight, vanilla variety and not anything illegal, unsavoury or weird?
If it was indeed porn of the vanilla variety, then I personally don't think you've done anything wrong. All men are very visual, simple and stupid and will always be aroused by sexual imagery corresponding to their personal tastes. It could be large breasts, dark hair or even feet.
Having spoken to a few ole-timers about these matters, I am told the visual enthusiasm doesn't really subside the older you get, so, unless you find a strict religion this 'problem' will probably continue.
Now it doesn't take as sexpert to work out that your girlfriend, after discovering your porn, feels inadequate and thinks you have gone off her. You need to express very clearly and compassionately (like you said yourself the porn has nothing to do with how you feel about her).
Does she look at porn ever? Is she attracted to sexual images or scenarios separate to yourself and your relationship?
Also, point out that the results of your stroke time are ending up in a tissue and not anywhere life like...
Dear Uncle Matt,
I ended up going home with my mate's sister a couple of weeks ago, and I'd like to see her again. Trouble is I know my friend is going to go batsh*t as he's quite protective of her. I'm 31, she is 25. Help me out?
Tim-in-trouble.
Hi Tim. This is always going to be tricky. I wouldn't be too chuffed if anyone I knew socially started making advances towards any of my family.
If you really like her, and she feels the same, then I suppose it is up to you to prove to your mate that you're not going to be a thoughtless bellend and you have her best interests at heart.
If you have her back, and you genuinely want to be with her and couldn't imagine messing her about then your mate will have to respect that and let you both do your thing.
If, however, you do step out of line with her then you better expect f***ing hell from all sides.
Dear Uncle Matt,
I go out drinking with my boss a lot and class him as a friend, but he turns into a prat when he boozes, I'm talking an A-class nob. He becomes very arrogant and condescending towards me and the way he is with women is embarrassing. I'd tell him if he was just a friend, but as he's my boss as well, I'm not sure how to play it?
Sean, West London
Sean, while he's your boss, keep a distance. Mixing that sh*t never works out.
It's idealist nonsense much like those mothers on those morning shows who describe their relationship with their daughters as 'more like sisters' or 'best friends' or 'we go clubbing together and everything' - it's not right.
From what you say he sounds like a pillock and not the kind of prat you wanna be spending time socially with anyway.


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