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Published 18:58 19 Apr 2017 BST
Updated 19:03 19 Apr 2017 BST
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As this is my first exposure to the primary players of the Fast & Furious movies, I have not a clue as to how all these people ended up associating with each other, but I would guess that they met at a Raving Fucking Madmen support group, because not one of them behaves in any kind of rational manner at any point during this film.
Happily, they are a seemingly functioning unit and all have complimentary skill sets, including driving really fast, preposterous computer hacking, lovely big muscles, and wanton destruction of private and public property.
This is clearly the bread and butter of the Fast & Furious movies and honestly, I could eat a whole loaf of that shit.
The action sequences are absolutely, brilliantly absurd: hordes of zombie cars falling out of windows and racing around New York; a remote-controlled nuclear submarine crashing through a Russian ice field; Jason Statham dispatching baddies on a plane while juggling a baby. Yes, yes! That is a thing that really happens, and it's even better than you're imagining.
There's not a single whiff of logic or consequence to be smelt anywhere, and it's all the better for it. Bilge like the Transformers movies try to take themselves too seriously and are therefore unwatchable garbage; Fast & Furious 8 is in on its own joke and is therefore an absolute riot.
It's a good joke, too; the mega-macho back-and-forthing between apparent nemeses Jason Statham and The Rock is very enjoyable, as are the comic interjections from Tyrese Gibson and Ludacris. Of course you can't help but laugh at the enormous stupidity of what's actually happening, but Fast & Furious 8 is totally cool with that, which in itself is totally cool.
Things fall flat a bit when there are no jokes or explosions, however.
There are moments that are supposed to be serious and high-tension, but the surrounding events are just too ridiculous to allow these scenes any sense of gravity, and with the best will in the world, watching Vin Diesel act is like watching a baked potato try to have feelings.
There's a lot of explaining the plot too, which is odd because even after 10 minutes of constant exposition, it still doesn't make a jot of sense. I couldn't really get a handle on what was going on until the final act, but by then The Rock had jumped out of a speeding van to physically redirect a torpedo, and just like that, nothing in the universe mattered a single bit.
At some point in the middle of the movie it occurred to me that these films used to be about illegal street racing, and I'm fascinated to go back and see exactly how we ended up here. Like, yeah, there are fast cars in both, but I'm reasonably confident that the baby juggling is a recent addition to the Fast & Furious oeuvre.
I'm also aware that this is the first Fast & Furious movie to be made after the death of Paul Walker, but as I have no context to judge a film without him in, I can't say if he's missed or not. All I will say is that the film sensibly made no mention of him, though there is a nice little tribute tucked away at the end.
I enjoyed the balls off this film. The general critical consensus has been that it's one of the weaker entries in the franchise, which is kind of amazing to me; if this is Fast & Furious treading water, the other films must be fucking bananas. Whether I find the time to go back and watch all seven of the remaining films, I don't know, but I'll sure as shit go and see Fast & Furious 9.
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