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Published 21:34 20 Jul 2017 BST
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Fourthly, it comes from the director of National Lampoon's Cattle Call (no, us neither), which was a "comedy" about a guy who starts a fake casting agency to find the girl of his dreams. And it's called Cattle Call. Hmmm.
Fifthly, the movie will be released on 8 September, which just screams of "Go see this on opening weekend because it will be the anniversary!"
But, maybe, just maybe, there was a chance that despite all of that, we could be wrong, and the movie would be a subtle, emotionally powerful drama about a horrific event.
And then the trailer was released...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cArGooMpw0I
Clip via 株式会社シンカ
First of all, no, we don't know why it arrived in Japanese, but you can still make out the plot regardless.
Five people find themselves essentially in a real-life Towering Inferno situation, all on the lift, including newly broken-up Sheen and Gershon, and Goldberg on the mic to keep us updated on how terrible things are.
What was your favourite part of the trailer? Ours has to be the bit where Gershon has gotten out of the lift (goodbye, tension!), and Sheen gives her back the wedding ring, to prove that all they needed to get back together and prove their love for each other was for planes to crash into the building.
We don't want to say that this is the most exploitative thing we've ever seen... with some of the worst production design, and acting, and dialogue, and directing... we don't want to say that, but you've kinda got us backed into a corner here, Charlie Sheen and Whoopi Goldberg 9/11 movie.
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